“For, behold, the days are coming, in the which they shall say, Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bare, and the paps which never gave suck.”
Luke 23:29 KJV

I always say that there are certain times where believing in God would be convenient… this sensitive topic might just be one of them. I struggle daily, reading of parents who abuse their children- sometimes in the name of God. Then even more when I see mothers so young they can’t even enter into a contract. If first our most precious virtue is our chastity and later in life our reproductive value how did “God” decide to leave me barren and let all these “sinners” reproduce.

Teen pregnancy, the biggest slap in the face to God… many times seems to come to those who believe in Christ. Kids raised in the church run off one night have premarital sex and are rewarded with the gift of life…  wait, what? I grew up an Atheist… By choice, I did not have sex in my teenage years… should I have? Science shows us that teenage girls are incredibly fertile- so had I listened to my doctor, when she first diagnosed me with Poly-cystic Ovaries at the age of 15 and said “you will always have difficulty getting pregnant”. I could have taken that information and used it to the full advantage- tried right then to start a family, since obviously it would only get harder as I got older… but no… I knew I wasn’t ready at 15 and as an Atheist, I knew there was no God to make everything alright.

So my virtuous chastity seems a waste but as I grow older, the concept that a woman’s reproductive abilities show her worth is still relevant. I am 29 and since I entered my first serious relationship in people have been asking me when I was going to have a baby. That relationship ended in divorce and now I hear “why didn’t you ever have kids?”. Well the answer is always the same- God hates me and made me barren… just kidding… after I roll my eyes I explain my reproductive issues… typically in great detail as to make them as uncomfortable as their questions make me. The strongest of men will flinch at the thought of “ovarian drilling” and at that point they realize maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t my choice to not have a family.

I now share the daily responsibility of raising Rich’s boys-  it is funny, our little family, no matter how unconventional, seems more normal to people than when I was married and barren. This is insulting- As much as I love now having a family, it doesn’t make me more worthy of a happy life than I was before… and if Rich and I never have children of our own, well… I like to think I will still leave my impact on our world. Oh and as for the biblical verse i started with, the day never came where people said that, but perhaps it will- if people stop basing worth on God’s word that is.