So much has happened in the past few days that it is hard to figure out what to write about. The horrific murders of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile and then the tragedy in Dallas that left five innocent police officers dead. I could reiterate the details of each case, give you bullshit excuse for why someone deserved what they got or an anger filled rant about who was justified. I am not going to do that. I will be frank and state that I believe that the officers who killed Alton Sterling and Philando Castile were 100% wrong. I don’t care about their pasts, those officers had their own demons and none of them deserved to die. I also believe that the shooter(s) in Dallas were wrong. The officers who were killed were not the ones that did the killing, it was random, it was fueled by rage and families will never be the same.

What I want to talk about right now is the frustration I am feeling by the views expressed by my demographic. Caucasian women, mothers, 30-40 living in the suburbs. There was little talk among the moms in my local groups when it came to the murders of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile. An article or two was posted, a comment here and there… but in general last week was business as usual. Lularoe leggings, toddler problems and what’s for dinner tonight. I am not saying that I was trying to force it on them. I know from experience that these types of discussions are best saved for other groups, a more diverse crowd. Then the recording from  Diamond Reynolds’s (girl friend of Philando Castile) live feed sprouted up and this conversation did catch my eye.

Right off the bat, the person posting was commenting on how calm  Diamond Reynolds seemed. Many of the women in the conversations were intelligent enough to know that if nothing else she was probably in shock. Others speculated she was trying to keep it together since her child was in the car. Then someone dropped this bomb.

“What bugs my so much about this…. instead of trying to do something for her boyfriend in the seat next to her she feels it’s more important to video it for facebook! If someone next to me gets shot the last thing I’m doing is recording the aftermath of it…if she was that concerned with a routine traffic stop why wasn’t she recording from the point the cop showed up? I’m not trying to justify anything anyone did
It just doesn’t sit right with me that her main concern was that she recorded the aftermath of her boyfriend being shot as opposed to trying to save his life…”

This comment made me physically ill. It is impossible to know what you would do in this type of situation and this is compounded when you remember that this a white woman putting herself in the position of a black woman. I am not sure if it needs to be spelled out this clear but just in case, here it is. WHITE PEOPLE WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE A POC.  I am sure that she believes that the last thing she would do is watch someone she loves die next to her, white privilege allows for it. As a white woman I am sure that the thought of being held at gun point during a traffic stop has never crossed her mind and even after all of this it still won’t. A broken tail light should never, ever result in death. She poses the question “why wasn’t she recording from the point the cop showed up?” that answer is simple, because she shouldn’t have to. No one should have to, though perhaps moving forward they should.

I can only imagine the fear that was going through Diamond Reynolds mind. A man so unstable shot four bullets into a man who died while still in his seat belt, all while a four year old child was in the car. Even as she is recording he has a gun on her…. what do people expect her to have done at this point? Scream, yell, jump on top of him in an attempt to save him? Any and all of these actions guarantee that poor child would have been witness to the death of both parents instead of just one. There is no doubt in my mind that the woman who made the post believes she would have done all of the things I mentioned above and that the worst that would have happened is that she’d be arrested, and then later interviewed by networks praising her bravery. Her privileged allows for that confidence… and also the confidence to know that the odds of her husband dying while buckled into the family car are slim to none…and if it did happen, a heart attack would likely be the killer. I truly admire the strength that Diamond Reynolds showed. I am thankful their child still has a parent and I hope that justice is served.

On a separate post I saw another member of my demographic say that she went to bed last night thankful that her husband is white and that she is not afraid of losing him to senseless violence then she reflected on how horrible it is to think such a thing. I really don’t know if it is horrible or just plain honest. When a white couple gets pulled over for speeding, running a red light or a busted tail light odds are they will get a ticket, maybe just a warning… but they are not being profiled. We may live in fear of the state of our country, we may be afraid that we will get caught up in a random act of violence, but we do not have to go out each day and worry that it will be our last simply due to the color of our skin.