A Uterus from Nothing (part 9)

Happy Birthday Arabella! That’s right, it has been one year since my “miracle baby” was born. So many milestones, so many memories… year one is just filled to the top with baby moments that you never forget. Though we did not participate in the typical religious ceremonies such as a christening we still had plenty of fancy dresses and special occasions.

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I suppose if you want to split hairs we did technically participate in two fancy dress related “religious” events. Arabella was able to meet Santa Claus to commemorate her first Christmas and then a few months later she found the Easter Bunny at the very same mall! Now I know there are a lot of Atheists who don’t think “religious” holidays should be observed by nonbelievers… well, Rich and I are not those Atheists. Christmas and Easter are significant for our families, they both bring back amazing memories and we want to pass those along to our child… end of story. If you notice I said we met them at the mall, not a church, a mall. There was not a manger or crucifix in sight, just a jolly old man and a big fluffy bunny, sounds pretty secular to me.

I’ve lost count as to how many times religion has tried to sneak into my baby’s first year. Despite my best efforts to not step on the toes of my religious friends and family it seems I managed to somehow offend them with my secular lifestyle. One of the absolute funniest examples occurred around November 21st. We had been taking photos each month to document her growth, the standard procedure involves a little sticker or sign indicating what month you are celebrating and a stuffed animal for size comparison. I chose some cute stickers that had a different color and animal for each month as well as Arabella’s Charles Darwin doll. It didn’t take long before it was revealed to me that some people were less than pleased to see these shots. I was actually told that they didn’t appreciate seeing my baby next to “some heathen”.  Now when I heard that two things immediately came to mind. 1. I cannot believe I am associated with someone who cannot identify the father of evolution. 2. I know this person is not a creationist, I have known them my entire life and do not believe for one second that their fair-weather faith can stretch that far out of the range of sanity.  So why were they offended? Would it have been better if I had used her Nietzsche doll or maybe Marie Curie? What was it about a plush Darwin sitting next to my baby girl that made their skin crawl.  I will never know the answer to this, the discussion will never occur and even if I tried to bring it up, it would just be dismissed. As you can see I did not take their frustrations to heart, I continued my Darwin growth chart and maybe I will never stop.

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About a month ago Arabella and I were involved in a car accident. I was left with a concussion, eye injury and many bumps and bruises. Thanks to research and development Arabella made it without a scratch on her. In case you didn’t know, rear facing car seats are amazing at protecting our little ones. I was so thankful to the people who invested their time to discover which conditions keep our kids safe from the stupidity of others. Though I may tip my hat to Graco and the other leading companies, not everyone saw it that way. When discussing the accident in mommy groups I was bombarded with prayers for a quick recovery and messages that God was watching over me at that moment, and he kept us safe. Well, as much as I appreciate the well wishes I have to say that not even a traumatic brain injury can make me believe that God saved us that day… nope it was seat belts, car seats and having the speed and impact happen to combine in a way that left us able to live another day.

One year down and a lifetime to go, I have to wonder what challenges I will face trying to raise Arabella to be a strong, secular woman in a world that doesn’t always promote acceptance. Though our parental instincts make us want to protect our children I have no intentions of shielding her from the world. I want her to learn about the beliefs other people hold, to understand reasons why they feel the way the do and to acknowledge that it is okay for people to hold different beliefs. I want her to find that you don’t need to define a friendship, we can love and care for those who do not follow the same path and be supportive of them without betraying our own values. I am still working on all of this myself, I try my best each day and know that it can only get better as I am now setting an example for my child.

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A Uterus from Nothing (part 8)

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1 month old

 

 

Arabella has arrived! It is exactly one month since the birth of my baby girl and finally I am able to sit down and share our story with you. The past month has been one of the best, maybe the best, of my entire life… but as seems to be the case for this entire journey, the road was not a particularly easy one.

It was July 19 when I first started feeling minor contractions that were different than the Braxton Hicks I had been feeling for months, the pain was mainly in my back and something just didn’t seem right. I went to labor and delivery on the 20th and they said it was too early and were about to send me home when a gush of fluid (like the kind you see in a movie) came out. I was quickly moved to a birthing room and the process started. The pain in my back began to intensify and then I began having full blown back labor. The pain in my back was so intense that I could not even feel contractions in my stomach, just my back. It turns out baby girl was facing backwards and her head was resting on my spine. She was unable to drop into my pelvis and so I could not dilate properly- I was given pitocin to try to rectify the situation, but it just wasn’t working. After about 8 hours of this, the doctor suggested they preform a cesarean section, this was the absolute last thing I wanted to happen. However, as soon as it was explained that it was not only best for me, but for my child, I consented to the procedure. The spinal block was administered and the procedure began. I remember while being in a twilight like state and looking into Rich’s eyes, that it was astounding that I had such options. Once baby was safely out of my abdomen they began to put me back together. I was not able to hold baby immediately, so her first skin-to-skin was with Rich. I was still on the table in a similar position as you typically see with Jesus on the cross. Within 20 minutes I was back in my room and breast feeding- and that has been her favorite activity ever since.

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1 day old

I was surprised at how many people seemed saddened by my situation. I received many apologies, some going as far as to say it was a shame I was unable to “give birth”. For the record, that is a bunch of b.s. . Sure, natural birth was not an option but I am thankful that medical science was there to intervene. I still feel that I birthed a child that day and no one will ever convince me otherwise.

Since my Atheism was not known by the nurses, residents and physicians I received many comments about my “little angel” who is “such a blessing”. I did not use this as an opportunity to chastise them for disrespecting me and my lack-of belief. Anyone who has read my blogs will already know that is not my style. Instead I thanked them and thought, she may not be a gift from God but she is a gift from the medical community. From the moment I conceived to the moment I delivered medical science was involved. I could not have done it without the perseverance of doctors, researchers and scientists. So I thank you all for my baby girl- you have changed my life.

As Arabella grows I hope to pass on to her the secular values that I hold so dear. I want to show her that just because someone may feel differently than you do, it doesn’t make them a bad person or a stupid person, it just means that they have had a different journey than we have. I want her to know that bashing those who believe is never the answer, but taking the time to hear them out and educate them is likely to go a long way. People always ask what we will do if she decides to take a different path than we have and chooses to believe. Well the answer is that I will respect her, I will love her, and I will only expect the same in return.

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A Uterus from Nothing (part 7)

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As my pregnancy is coming to an end I find myself reflecting on the experiences I have had and the things that I have learned. I cannot cover all of it, so I am picking the top two. First, when you are pregnant, people have no filter towards you. They will comfortably make comments about how you look, what you are doing, what you might potentially do once baby has arrived and sometimes you just have to ignore it. More importantly I learned that not every mention of religion is meant to be insulting. Some people just don’t know how to express themselves without a religious undertone. Miracles, blessings and even prayers can be appreciated by the secular, if the good intent is clear. Here, let me give you a few examples of what I have encountered.

While attending a book sale at our local Half Price Books a man approached me and said “Do you know anyone who is pregnant?” I assumed he was teasing me since the bump was quite obvious at that point. In jest, I replied “nope”. Then he went off on a rant about circumcision. The rights of a man to not be mutilated. The carelessness of parents who choose to risk infection on their sons. I interjected, letting him know that he didn’t have to worry- I am pregnant with a little girl and that I certainly do not condone female genital mutilation. This was not sufficient. He was relentless. Coming at me insisting there is never a valid reason, religious or otherwise.  I eventually just had to find Rich and leave. The topic of circumcision is so controversial that many of the internet groups I am involved in (concerning pregnancy) have banned the topic. So having a complete stranger approach me and feel that they could preach their views was surprising. I did not witness him engage anyone else in this type of conversation, but for some reason my baby bump made him feel it was ok to spill his guts on this particularly hot topic. 

Another strange situation occurred at a local McDonald’s restaurant. A woman came up to me and made a remark about how I look like I am about to burst (it’s true!) and then touched my belly without asking. I politely backed up at which point she removed her hand and went into a story about her mother’s at home abortion. That’s right, as I was waiting to order my plain chocolate milkshake I had to hear about how good it is that I chose life… that it is sickening when people overstep God and take life into their own hands. The story was disgusting and I won’t go into details, but the overall point was that she was filled with resentment that she could have had a sibling if only her mother had followed God and chose life. I am not sure why I didn’t stop her preaching as I had with the man at the book store, maybe I was just in shock, Once again, someone felt that my pregnancy gave them carte blanch to say anything and everything that they wanted… and once again, I walked away without a fight.

Those examples are extreme and certainly don’t represent a regular day in my 39 weeks 2 days of being pregnant. Overall this has been the most incredible experience of my life. It has taught me so much about myself and at times restored my faith in humanity. One of the most beneficial things I learned was not to sweat the small stuff…specifically tolerance of random acts of religion…  seriously, it made my pregnancy much more enjoyable. 

For instance, there have been countless moments where strangers and friends alike have referred to Arabella as a “blessing”. I know some of my fellow Atheists would find this insulting, but I do not. For what a “blessing” is meant to represent, it is actually quite a compliment. Whenever someone would say that I would simply agree because to me, becoming pregnant truly is a gift, the only difference is that I don’t believe it is a gift from God… but why split hairs and start a fight when we are just celebrating my beautiful baby girl. 

Another moment that religion decided to sneak into my pregnancy came around the time of the baby shower… in the form of Noah’s Ark themed gifts and wrapping. I received at least 3 presents in gift bags with colorful animals on an ark (No Noah) that read something along the lines of “welcome baby”. I also received an adorable gift set that included a first year photo frame, first foot print/hand print frames and a special holder for the birth certificate. They all feature the ark and animal pairs (again, no Noah). I love the gift set and cannot wait to fill it with Arabella’s big moments… and to be clear I find absolutely nothing offensive about it at all. 

I have also had people pray for me and the health of my baby. They have prayed for a safe gestation and delivery. I know that they do this out of love and true concern for Arabella and I. Yes, I agree with the secular masses that praying is a useless act that doesn’t really mean anything… to us.  To them however it is meaningful and they are just saying “I wish you well” so why start a fight.  

There would be a great difference if the person calling Arabella a miracle added that she is a miracle of God and it is our duty to teach her his ways. If the person buying the Noah’s ark gift bag happened to fill it with rosary beads and a bible- this would be a reason to speak up. If the prayers that were being offered were meant to save my soul as well as the baby- asking that we lose our heathen ways and learn to follow God, I would absolutely tell them that they are out of line. None of these examples, or anything remotely close came into play throughout my pregnancy. 

I made the choice to embrace this experience all that it had to offer. When someone would mention my blessing or miracle, this just opened the door for me to educate them on exactly what advancements in medical science were able to do for me- how we created “a uterus from nothing”.  It has been an amazing ride and I have loved every moment… next stop, the arrival of my daughter.

 

A Uterus from Nothing (part 6)

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Here is the latest picture of my little thinker, Arabella… you just can’t beat the hand on the chin, am I right? This was taken on April 1, 2014 when they performed a biophysical profile. Baby passed with flying colors receiving an 8 out of 8. She was moving around like crazy, practicing breathing and her heart rate was strong, just like it always is. The doctors were incredibly impressed considering that I was only 24 weeks at the time and wasn’t even feeling her  movements yet. The first kick I did feel came just a few days later and now the amazing feeling happens like clockwork.

Going along with her incredible development was another milestone, Arabella has reached the “viable fetus” stage, which means that if I was to go into labor and have to deliver her, most likely she would survive. When I told my father about this important stage of pregnancy he said “I don’t think that they had a viable fetus stage when your mother was pregnant”. In fact he is correct about this, it was not so long ago that a baby born earlier than 37 weeks (the earliest “full term”) was put into an ICU, given oxygen and fingers were crossed in hopes baby would survive. Thanks to scientific research and advancements we now have much more time than we did before…and even a baby earlier than 27 weeks has a fighting chance. Treatment is now so specific that premies are put into one of 3 categories: Late preterm (34-37 weeks), Very preterm (less than 32 weeks) or Extremely preterm (less than 25 weeks). The slew of tests that can be run on a premature baby to determine exactly what it is experiencing is overwhelming. From ultrasounds of the brain to pediatric respirators we are leaps and bounds ahead of where we were before.

Another big moment we experienced was not quite so positive, but I can still thank science for helping put my mind at ease. I had to go to labor and delivery because I was experiencing incredibly painful contractions. It took about seven hours of being closely monitored and pumped with fluids before they went away, apparently Braxton Hicks contractions can be brought on by dehydration…and silly me, I didn’t even know I was dehydrated. The part of the experience that amazed me the most was the fetal fibronectin test which allowed them to determine if it was labor or not through a swab of my cervix. Even though I was petrified by the contractions this tiny test gave us a 99.9% negative on if it was true labor or not. Once I knew I was in the clear the relief was overwhelming. Sure I was still in pain, but I knew baby was not leaving the womb and that was all that mattered.

So now as I finish writing this baby girl is kicking away and it feels amazing. Thank you science for keeping me and baby safe.

A Uterus from Nothing (part 5)

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Well, it is official, we are having a little girl. Arabella Lorelei is still due July 22, 2014 and she is developing perfectly. The anatomy scan was amazing.The baby is only half a pound and yet we can observe the kidney function, watch the blood flowing through the umbilical cord and see baby open and close her mouth all while doing little flips and twists right there in my tummy. I understand that ultrasounds have been around for quite sometime, but the advances in technology have been vast and the certainty with which health care providers can give out information is astounding.

Arabella will be the first child in a long line of family births to not be baptized simply out of tradition. The topic hasn’t caused a stir as of now, though to be fair, we have yet to discuss it with those who will care. However, I am sure that once baby arrives the backlash will begin. No matter what we encounter from either side of the family, I assure you that the Couple of Atheists will not back down. I know that some people will say that we should not sacrifice the baby’s “soul” simply because we choose not to believe… or that because of our atheism the ceremony is meaningless and should be viewed as drops of water and words… with a chance at redemption of her soul should me and Rich turn out to be wrong. Well, that is fine for some, but I take a different view.

I believe that participating in this, or any inherently religious ceremony, is disrespectful to those who do believe. Unlike many relationships, there is no internal conflict between Rich and myself and therefore no reason to compromise our ethics simply to appease others. I also do not view this as keeping Arabella away from God, but more not forcing God onto her. If at any point she finds that a life of faith is right for her, that will be fine, but I will not pressure her into something that I do not find beneficial to  life. Despite having one openly Atheist parent,  I was baptized, confirmed and made my confirmation within the Catholic church… and though this did not instill a belief in Christ, it forced onto me the stigma of being Catholic… and I won’t do that to my child.

As I watch the development of the baby progress, I begin to think more of her future. I know that we are going to encounter many situations along the way where the faith of others will attempt to overstep and cross the bounds of our rights as parents. There will be compromise at times, but not to the point that our family forgets what we believe in. And if you really find fault in a secular, humanist household, well I encourage you to keep reading and prepare to change your mind.

A Uterus from Nothing (part 4)

ImageAs you can see there has been a lot of action since I last posted about baby. I am now just over 3 months and everything is right where it is supposed to be. I have been experiencing a range of reactions to this pregnancy, most of which are supportive, loving and filled with excitement, and a few… not so much. Much to the contrary of what you would expect I have not had a single believer speak ill of pregnancy. It doesn’t seem to matter to them that me and Rich are not married or that we are Atheists who plan to raise the baby with secular values. No, the only harsh reaction came from a member of my local Atheist community… and I was admittedly unprepared as, after-all, everyone loves a pregnant lady. Maybe not. At our monthly brunch, a member of the local community expressed that they are reluctant to speak of my pregnancy, stating that 2% of babies die at birth (this is not true)  and that they will “celebrate it once the baby is born”. This came from a dark place, a very unfortunate experience that they had for which I feel very sorry. However, I am an optimistic person- I know that anything is possible and any number of things can go wrong- but I refuse to focus on that. I am so lucky to have become pregnant in the first place (thanks again science!) that I intend on celebrating every minute of this baby’s life…and yes, the fetus inside of me is very much alive. So onto the good stuff… here is what science has offered up for celebration since the last time I wrote.

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On December 30th I had the ultrasound that produced the pictures you see. During this sonogram the technician made a comment that just made me laugh inside. Everything was going along as normal, baby moving like crazy and me being more excited than ever in my life…but then the above image was captured and the tech exclaimed “Look, the baby seems like it is praying!”. Of course in my mind I was thinking “Well it isn’t, the baby has no knowledge of God or prayer.”, but to her face, I just smiled as I could tell that she felt she was being sweet.  After that moment passed, she continued on, showing us the cord blood flowing, the face and even the baby’s brain. I cannot believe how clear the images were. Instead of that blurry image mother’s had in the past- I could see each part that  was pointed out. This is undeniably the result of science and technology. First ,it is only within the last 25 years that we have had transvaginal ultrasound technology, and in 2014 it is far better than it was when it first came into mainstream use. It makes it possible to zoom in and create images like the one below, where at 10 weeks 6 days the hemispheres of the brain are clear as day.

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Another example of science and technology performing as God never could happened just 2 days ago at my first trimester screening where they check the risk of Trisomy 21 (Down syndrome) and Trisomy 18 (Edward’s syndrome). This test consists of 2 parts- an ultrasound (Nuchal Translucency screening)  in which the thickness of the nuchal fold area is measured and also a blood test. My ultrasound results were available immediately and the doctor said everything was excellent, my blood work is not back yet, but it is unlikely they will reveal anything but the same as the ultrasound. Isn’t it amazing that in today’s world we have ultrasound technology and research available to give an immediate assessment of the risk of these syndromes? Some people find them controversial, thinking that unfavorable results will make for an unhappy pregnancy or even tempt the mother to abort the fetus. I do not see this as the case, and a dear friend of mine said it best, that tests like this “allow us to mourn the baby we imagined having, and prepare for the baby we now have… so our first moments after birth can be spent with love and happiness, as they should, rather than shock and fear. ” .

One final milestone occurred on the 2nd of January, where we heard the heartbeat for the first time. It was the most amazing sound I have ever heard and made me immediately wish that I had an at home doppler so I could listen to it all of the time. Yes, science and technology has given us that option, but alas, it is too far out of our price range- so we will have to hold off the next time the doctor takes a listen. Until then I will continue to celebrate the life inside of me and share it with those whom I love and who love me.

A Uterus from Nothing (part 3)

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We had our first sonogram last week. Witnessing the heartbeat and seeing the little fetus brought to life exactly how amazing of a gift science gave to us. That’s right, I said science. Ever since I started this process people have had plenty to say about the lack of credit I give to God.  In support groups, acquaintances will tell me that I have been blessed by God with a miracle baby… this doesn’t bother me… I know that they are just excited and expressing it the best way they know how. On the flip side- it was brought to my attention that though some of the believers in my life are excited for the baby, and happy for us, they don’t want to read negativity here. This does bother me.

When I discuss this pregnancy and give credit to scientific advancements and my body’s reaction to them- I am doing so in a positive way. During this exchange it was explained to them that I am sorry they don’t enjoy reading but if the content makes them uncomfortable, it is probably best they don’t read it. Apparently this is not the right answer and instead, since they don’t like it, I shouldn’t write it. This is not going to happen- I am excited to document my pregnancy and express my gratitude to the scientific community for making it possible.

I have loved observing each change in my body during the past few weeks of pregnancy. I knew I would change physically and heard that mannerisms and moods will change as well- but experiencing is believing! It blows my mind that a simple burst of hormones could make someone who ordered extra bacon on everything suddenly not desire any meat at all. And no, I have not been craving loaves and fishies… so I think we can take God out of the equation.

So far I was able to go from tests revealing that I was having anovulatory menstrual cycles… to taking a medication watching follicles grow and an egg releasing…to seeing a fetus growing inside of me… this is not a miracle, it is my body and science working hand-in-hand to make the impossible, possible… and this just the beginning. I still have to see a specialist to find out how my Epilepsy medications will effect me and the baby in later stages of pregnancy. That happens in a month or so and I am pretty sure that I will not need an exorcism. I will be receiving genetic testing to make sure the baby is developing properly and to see if we have risk factors that will need special observation and care. I put my trust in the doctors and plan to do everything that is medically necessary to keep my baby safe.

Unlike believers, when I work for something and accomplish a goal I give credit where credit is due. I don’t believe in the typical copout that we are powerless against God and he makes all the decisions and is responsible for all accomplishments and failures.   I am proud to say that it was me, Rich and a slew of doctors who made it possible for this fetus to grow. Up to this point it has been an amazing ride and I cannot wait to see what lies ahead.

A Uterus from Nothing (part 2)

Success! That is right, not only was science able to make my body ovulate when it wasn’t doing it on it’s own… but now the couple of atheists are pregnant! Only 5 weeks and 1 day… so it is very early, but I can’t bear to keep it to myself.

Since sharing the news with friends and family, mixed reactions have occurred. Of course everyone has been happy and supportive… but not everyone gives the credit to science. For instance one of Rich’s friends said that God keeps giving us all of these signs… we are just refusing to see them. Apparently in his eyes it is God who brought Rich and I together in the first place and now  God has also given us the chance to have this baby. Rich said “but she was taking the medication, it  made her ovulate, we timed our sex and that is how we became pregnant.” His friend begged to differ stating that the medication didn’t have to work, God made it so.

Ok, so say this is true. God chose Rich and I to become parents… why the heck would he do that? Within the privacy of my PCOS support group walls I see women struggle with what they might have done to deserve being barren. They pray EVERY DAY to have a child. They take the same measures as Rich and I… They have the same condition I do and yet, God decided we should have the baby. It just seems unfair. If anything, it shows you’d be better off not believing because then God would have reason to “show himself” through these “miracles”… since of course he can’t just show up in your living room to prove his existence. No he has to test you… he tests the strength of those who believe by putting them through emotional hell and (apparently) proves himself by providing joy through “miracles”to those who don’t… how could anyone have respect for a God like that.

Just as before, I am in awe watching science at work. My blood tests are showing beta levels jumping high, just as they should. I can feel my body changing due to the shift in hormones and yet somehow I am supposed to credit someone other than my doctors and the many, many scientists who researched my condition and provided me with the tools to make this happen… I simply refuse. Heck, even the fact that I didn’t have to look for a faint line on the pregnancy test and then wonder if my eyes were deceiving me is crazy, it simply stated “pregnant”… that’s technology that I doubt God came up with. Certainly if he did exist he’d be fixing all of the disasters that occur each day and not making it easier for me to discover my pregnancy. Yeah, I am going to say this is also man made, not to mention AMAZING!

Now to be clear, I am not typically the type to get combative if someone “blesses me” or congratulates me on “my miracle”, just as when people prayed that we would conceive, I take it is as a kind gesture and say thank you. It is only when someone insists that God played a role that I feel the need to speak up. I am not on a witch hunt to knit-pick every religious reference… no, I simply want to document it here and since religion and spirituality are already creeping in at this early stage, I imagine it will only get more intense as the pregnancy progresses. This is going to be an amazing experience for Me and Rich and I look forward to sharing it with all of those who read our blog.

A Uterus from Nothing (part 1)

I have been experiencing something amazing over the past few weeks. It is incredibly personal and yet, since I am so mesmerized by the scientific wonders unfolding before my eyes… well I just have to share it with the world.

Early on in October, I went to visit my Ob/Gyn to discuss my fertility. At the age of 15 I was diagnosed with a condition called Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome and so I knew infertility loomed in my future path… but with my 30th birthday approaching I decided to be proactive and see what was going on in there.

The doctor said I wasn’t ovulating but that all hope was not lost, for I had some medical options to try to make my body do so. Rich and I have been giggling quietly on how wonderful it would be to have a little blue-eyed baby to complete our family and so we decided to try the least aggressive approach. A medication called Clomid. I had my cycle and started my first round of Clomid just as directed… that is when science decided to blow my mind.

Just four days after my last dose of Clomid I had a transvaginal ultrasound. This test revealed three follicles (sadly I don’t remember the base numbers) on my right ovary and the lining of my uterus measuring in at less than 5mm. I was told that this was not bad, that it appeared the Clomid was working and to schedule again three days later. At that time, my follicles had grown, with my largest coming in at 13mm and my uterine lining had also grown to 7mm. I rescheduled for two days later. Again, amazing news! My largest follicle was now showing at 21mm and my smallest was 13mm (that was my largest just a few days before) and the lining, it was in at a healthy 9mm. At this point I also received a positive at home ovulation predictor and so Rich was given his marching orders and we were sent on our way.

Now yesterday, I was called in again for another ultrasound where they confirmed that I did in fact ovulate… only one follicle was still visible and there was free fluid by my uterus…so now we wait. After each of these tests I was more and more amazed. To think that we able to chart all of this so perfectly precise at each pass…it stunned me. I spoke to one of my closest girlfriends, who has several children, and she said she was a bit jealous as “she’d never seen any of her babies at the follicular stage”.  And honestly, I can see why she’d feel that way. I was more excited each time I went in, so much that you would think I was an expectant mother looking at her fetus. My body rarely responds the way that doctors would like, so to get better news each time was a new and amazing feeling. I have never felt so “in tune” with my own body. Knowing exactly what it was doing for those few weeks may actually make the waiting period a bit more difficult- but at least if fertilization and implantation do occur, it will be an awesome story to tell our little atheist someday.

I wanted to post this during the waiting period, since the results could end up being not what we desire and then I may feel less inclined to gush over what has been an incredibly intimate and educational experience.  From being a member of many PCOS support groups, I know some women try for years and years, only to never reach the stage I am at now… so I already consider myself lucky. At my last scan the technician said “Now it’s all up to…” and pointed to the sky.  Well, I don’t agree with that… Nope, God cannot take credit for this one… if  I conceive it will be science that I thank… as all those amazing minds in the medical field have helped me to create a uterus from nothing.