My story of survival isn’t yours to steal…

Just recently David Silverman was named executive director of Atheist Alliance International and all of a sudden my social media was flooded with rehashing of the prior allegations of sexual assault. I admit I was never a huge subscriber to “Firebrand Atheism” and didn’t know a whole lot about Dave as a person, but I did have a general understanding as to what had gone down. After watching several interviews and reading articles from people on both sides I decided that I wanted more details, so I reached out to several of the parties involved. Dave responded and we set up a time to have a chat. Everything went well, it lasted just under two hours and by the end I felt like I had new found insight to what this experience had done to him.

A few days later I sat down to review the recording of my Skype call with Dave, a minute in I had to shut it off. I was overcome with emotion by the trembling I heard in my own voice when I said that I am a rape survivor. Something about the sound shook me to the core and I had to stop listening. I was too distracted to write so I made a quick blurb on Facebook about how disturbing the sound was to me. I tagged Dave asking if he’d noticed the dramatic shift and that is when a fellow female of the Atheist community decided to take my story and turn it into her own.

It seems that the concept of me wanting to discuss rape allegations with David Silverman is more disturbing than the fact that I was raped. One person saw the post and blocked me for simply having the conversation. This is fine, have your opinions and move on, I am likely better without you in my life. However in this case before leaving she decided to screenshot the story of my rape and the residual pain, block out my name and post it to her page with the false narrative that Dave is “courting victims”. I am disgusted, completely and totally ashamed that another woman, another abuse victim, would take my personal experience and manipulate it to suit her needs. I couldn’t let it go, I had to call her out. I asked why she would block my name when it was my story, she said it was because she didn’t want me to be targeted… but targeted by who exactly? If her group is the one that supports women, that cares for the well-being of victims above all else, what could I be targeted for? Being a victim of rape? A victim of domestic abuse? Having my breasts grabbed in the break room at my previous job? Would I be targeted for self evaluating my tone while I discussed those events? Would people be targeting me for asking the only other person on the call what their perception of my tone was, because I wanted to know if others heard the terror that I could hear…. or would they be targeting me because you were going to misrepresent my story… it seems like that was the answer. I wasn’t included in the conversation because I would expose the truth.

I knew that sitting down for a discussion with Dave was going to have backlash. I knew that writing about it was going to result in some lost friends and harsh words, I was okay with all of that. I have never been one to choose a side just because it happens to be trendy at the time and I am not afraid of controversy. That being said I never expected to have my story stolen, falsified and made into nothing more than a statistic. My safe place was taken away from me. Movements such as #MeToo tell victims of sexual abuse that they shouldn’t be afraid to speak out, that people support them… they leave out the fine print. Apparently the strength it takes to speak out is only worth while if it follows their story line.

I believe that all accusations of sexual assault need to be taken seriously and investigated. Unlike some of the Atheist community, I do not believe they should only be significant if the outcome fits the narrative they are trying to present. I refuse to say that all accusations of abuse are true without evidence. I will not demonize someone until I know the entire story. This is why I approached David asking to sit down and talk about the entire ordeal. When I woke up the morning after I was raped at a college party the man next to me said “don’t even say it, no one will believe you”… it seems that has changed as for the man it is now “no matter what you say, no one will believe you.”. One thing Dave said near the end of our talk was that I could easily pretend I never recorded it and could just spread around the internet that he made inappropriate comments the entire time and that if I did that, people would believe me and it would destroy what he has worked to build back up. That really struck with me… how frightening that must be to know that if one person wants to destroy you they can do it without anything more than their words. Maybe it is because I have so many amazing men in my life… my husband, my father, my brother, my stepsons… I fear that someone could do this to them… and yes, I know women that have done these things. I know a woman who would call the police and say she was being abused, then punch herself and pull her hair so that her spouse would be arrested… and she would do it all right in front of her young children. I know women who have fabricated stories of sexual abuse against themselves and their children to try to win custody battles, forcing little children to have to cry begging to not be taken away from their father, because he’d never hurt them. People think accusations equal truth but they do not… I stress again that they need to be taken seriously and investigated but we cannot jump on the band wagon and try to destroy someone before we truly understand what happened.

This is what upsets me about the SJW scene promoting the idea that giving people like David Silverman a platform to speak out is somehow dangerous to the accusers. The logic behind it just doesn’t compute for me. If the accusers can share their story, the accused deserve the same. I reached out to one of Dave’s accusers, I received no response. I reached out to Dave and he wanted to talk. That is how it went down. I don’t think that speaking to either party puts anyone in danger. I know that my experiences with sexual assault make me vulnerable and offer a perspective that (thankfully) most people don’t have. I know that it is easy to follow the majority and want to protect the accusers, but we have a legal system for a reason and I believe it is important to let things play out before declaring someone guilty.

To the US Government: You cannot have my body

 

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For as long as I can remember I have identified as pro-choice. I can remember attending a Clinton/Gore rally in 1992 and in front of me was our future president and behind me a group of protestors. I was probably in the second grade at this time but already I was becoming aware of what a divisive issue abortion was. The hostile energy that radiates from someone intent on taking away your rights is unmistakable, this small moment gave me a hint that my right to choose was precious and something worth fighting to for.

1

In my teenage years I didn’t have much direct experience with abortions but I did have knowledge of what one was. I knew that it was a medical procedure that was used to end a pregnancy, and that there were a number of reasons why a woman might need one. It was a nonissue for me until my senior year of high school when I started dating a guy that was 4 years older than me. We had sex and we also had a pregnancy scare. As much as my young mind thought I loved him, the way he treated me behind closed doors made me aware that I could never have brought a child into our relationship. I was with him longer than I should have been. Trapped in an abusive situation that I was lucky to get out of with just a scar on my lip and knowledge how fast things can escalate from bad to worse. I am thankful that I never had to make the choice of whether or not to abort because at that point in my life I was far too fragile to face something so serious. At least then I would have had the choice to not tie myself to an abusive man; our lawmakers want to make it so you have to stay.

2

October 2003, Sophomore year of college. I went to a party at a neighboring university. I arrived with three of my friends but walked home alone the next morning. At some point during the party I got separated from my girlfriends and I have no memory of the night, just what I experienced in the morning. I woke up in the bed of a man I did not know. I still had my tank top on, still had my boots on, but my jeans were just past my knees. I looked up at him and he said “don’t even say it, no one will care”. As I walked down Forbes avenue back to my dorm I remember the empty feeling inside that let me know I was never going to be the same. To this day it is something I have a terribly difficult time talking about. I can’t say the word rape because it makes me physically ill to do so. Even typing this out right now I keep questioning if I should talk about what happened that night. I cannot imagine what I would have done if I had become pregnant. I didn’t know his name, I didn’t want to know his name, and certainly I didn’t want to be connected to him for the rest of my life. The shame and regret I felt overpowered me to the point that I left that University when Sophomore year ended. When I think of all the young women in college right now that could easily experience what I did and could become pregnant; their only choices would be to keep a child born of a crime or to commit a crime by aborting the pregnancy.

the day I had my first "abortion"

Now that I am a mother you would think that abortion isn’t something I deal with when in fact according to my medical records, I have had two. After a perfect pregnancy that resulted in my beautiful daughter Arabella, I lost two babies to a gene mutation. With both losses I had to have a D&C procedure to remove the products of conception from my womb. This is not a procedure that every woman who miscarries needs. Depending on the circumstances they may be able to pass naturally, this was not the case for me. Both times it was traumatic, both times it was called an abortion. When we lost Lily the procedure helped me to heal a bit as I did not have a daily reminder that my baby was gone, with Riley it was much more graphic. Products of conception were left behind after the D&C leaving me with months of bleeding that resulted in me collapsing at work when I started passing massive clots and pieces of tissue from my vagina. In the ER the asked for a urine sample and the entire collection cup overflowed with blood. I cannot imagine our government forcing women to go through this when a pregnancy is lost. The emotional toll it takes on you is bad enough, but to have to physically experience it is torture, especially when there is another way. The men on the panel that passed the hideous Alabama law have never and will never have to look down and see the remainder of what was once a child they desperately wanted. No one should have the right to dictate what happens inside of another person’s body. It is wrong, it is just so wrong. I am fearful for what my daughter may have to deal with in the future.

I am not sure what fool spread the notion that an abortion is somehow a pleasant thing. Pro-lifers always make it sound so casual. They pretend that it is used as a form of contraception when in reality that is not the case. I know women who have had abortions.  Some felt a sense of relief, some felt shame but none of the woman I have ever talked to said it was a good experience. For some it is the absolute best choice under their circumstance and having the right to recognize that is so important. The laws our government officials are trying to pass will not stop abortions. What they will do is put women in an impossible situation that damages them physically and emotionally.

In my eyes losing the right to choose is the government of the United States of America telling me that I do not matter. We cannot let them break us. We need to share our stories because clearly people are not understanding that abortion is more than a graphic image on a protestors sign. Whether physical or psychological, abortion can be the difference between life or death for the woman that is pregnant… and I refuse to let the government kill the women of our country.

The Benefits of Atheism

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“Imagine that the brain is a computer and that religion is a virus. Atheism is the wiping of that virus.” – Nick Harding[1]

 

What does atheism offer?”, “What good is it?”,  “What benefit can be gained from not believing in God?

Well that depends on how much you value intellectual honesty? How valuable is reason? And I say this without a hint of hubris or intellectual snobbery, although it is often taken to be the very height of just that by theists. But I mean this with the utmost sincerity born out of a genuine caring for people and concern for the future of my children and humanity as a species. For me, intellectual honesty and reason are incredibly important. I’d argue that progress as a person, a society, and as a species is contingent upon it. So when it comes to beliefs that shape our very lives, that provide the foundation from which we conduct ourselves and how we see the world, then nothing could be more important. Now before we delve deeper, let’s be clear, atheism is not a worldview, ideology, or philosophy[2]. Atheism doesn’t provide a foundation of it’s own. But it provides firm ground free of the debris of theism and clears out the religious weeds before they can crack through the foundation of rationality. Allowing instead for solid foundations to be laid. Well grounded foundations such as naturalism and secular humanism, for example. So then what good is it? Well provided that one accepts how rationality, knowledge, and human flourishing are of the utmost importance to the continuing development and progress towards the betterment of humanity as a whole, then one must also give consideration to how these are able to be derailed by bad reasoning, dogmatic ideologies, and faith-based beliefs[3], then the benefit of atheism becomes clearer. To make an important distinction, I’m not arguing that atheism is more rational than theism, I’m arguing that theism is irrational and must be rejected and/or removed from the methods of reasoning altogether. We even see this in the cases of credible scientists who are in fact religious. Those scientists who hold such a belief only hold to it when the white coat is off. They reason like atheists in the lab. Atheism in the context of this discussion is that acknowledgement. The crux of my argument is simply this… atheism clears the way for reason to properly operate.

 

There is a clarity in thinking that comes with having a foundation unfettered with underlying supernatural assumptions. Assumptions like a supernatural deity created the whole of reality and is pulling the strings. And that this deity has an ultimate plan and is watching everything with divine judgment. This foundational clarity allows for the methods of sound reasoning to build. We must be diligent in our efforts to be clear in our thinking and to be objective and honest in our analyses. It’s crucial to build our knowledge on a solid foundation. Even if it means arriving at conclusions that force us to abandon our most cherished beliefs. And the problems that are brought on board when one adopts a god belief chokes reason off at the root. These problems are found in the methods a believer must adopt of defending that belief at all costs. It’s in the fideistic attitude that reason is inadequate and ill-equipped or even an outright misology. It’s also found in the demonization of reason whenever reason challenges the belief in a god and the methods of attaining it. According to theism, faith trumps reason. The best reason can accomplish is to compliment faith. Reason serves to merely placate faith. Reason alone is the trickery of Satan or the product of a prideful fallen creation. Atheism, at this fundamental level, doesn’t allow for such manipulation to take hold. And thus allows for honest, critical analysis. That is all atheism needs to do. But let’s not think this as some trivial thing. Far from it.

 

“It is the absolutism of theism, its pernicious influence upon humanity, its paralyzing effect upon thought and action, which Atheism is fighting with all its power.” – Emma Goldman[4]

 

But there’s another, more personal reason how atheism can be a benefit. It must be acknowledged that many atheists were religious at some point in there lives. And given that religion is deeply ingrained in practically every society around the world. There’s no escaping it’s influence in some capacity. For those that escaped the grip of religion, or are constantly having religion shoved down their throats, atheism can be liberating. Many have witnessed first hand the harm these beliefs have on relationships and we are bombarded daily with news displaying the immense tension caused by religion in societies around the world. Many have been shunned by their community and ostracized by their own family. But consider those who live in regions of the world where harsh religious oppression is everyday life. Where religion isn’t a free choice and apostasy is punished. Where religious totalitarianism suffocates every independent thought of the people around you. Just uttering the words “I’m an atheist” is like a breath of fresh air. Even if it must done clandestinely behind closed doors out of fear of punishment, including death. It is a push-back against the unrelenting inculcation of dogma and religious extremism. Taking into account these two points discussed here, the necessity of atheism couldn’t be more apparent and its benefits are far-reaching. The fewer false, irrational, faith-based things we believe, the better we will be able to grasp reality and thus flourish. And atheism eliminates the biggest offender.

 

-Rich

 

Notes:

[1] Nick Harding, News Talk, January 25, 2016

[2] This isn’t to say that one’s atheology doesn’t contain philosophy, or the reason for one’s rejection of theism. But that’s irrelevant to the topic as atheism doesn’t require any. One can be perfectly justified in simply saying they have no place for a belief in a god belief in their lives.

[3] see my blog where I argue against faith and it’s incompatibility with reason… https://coupleofatheists.com/2013/11/05/unreasonable-faith/  

[4] Emma Goldman, Mother Earth, Feb. 1916

Religious Vs Secular Ethics: “Where Do I Get My Morality From?”

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We cannot abandon the idea of human well-being and pretend that our moral discourse make sense.” – Philippa Foot[1]

“Where Do I Get My Morality From?” This question simply doesn’t seem to suffice. It doesn’t get to the crux of the matter. I think the questions that would be better suited are “what is the foundation of our morality” and even more importantly, “how do we develop our morality?”[2] In this blog I’ll attempt to briefly summarize my argument as this topic could easily take several books to cover. Here I argue that a secular moral framework is the only way to understand and develop a proper moral system. Whereas religion (or God as the argument goes) not only cannot provide the foundation for morality, but actually undermines it.
Broadly speaking, morality has a naturalistic foundation as we evolved as a social species that can reason. And how we develop our morality is from the recognition and reasoned reflection of the human condition we find ourselves in and the states of affairs that affect it. It is the critical analysis of the various data that inform us about the correct and incorrect actions that affect the current state of affairs in such a way that is most conducive to human flourishing, thus improving the overall human condition. Then we implement these principles in everyday human interaction, so much so that they can become character traits. This is then in turn passed on to the next generation. Our actions have positive and/or negative effects on other people. And by extension, these actions affect or create states of affairs that are either beneficial or detrimental to well being, societal health, etc. that are necessary conditions for overall human flourishing. This is an objective moral fact and what we mean when we speak of “morality”.
Now a common objection to this is to say that there’s no “authority” from preventing me from doing otherwise, that may be, but we have a word for that… it’s called “immoral”. To suggest that “torturing for fun is moral” is a nonsensical statement. The word “moral” has a specific usage (which I outlined above). It’s this basis of what we mean when we say “moral”. It’s also how we can judge acts and ideologies (such as religion) as “immoral” as they don’t conform to any sense of the term properly applied.
Another common objection isn’t really an objection at all, and that is to ask “why should I care about human flourishing?” But this is a different question than what we are addressing here. However, this question when applied to religious morality does expose the real nature of the religious moral framework as being a self-serving consequentialism. Because when we pose the question to the believer, the answer is typically along the lines of “because God knows what’s best for us” or “this is God’s moral law” and by following these laws there are rewards and disobeying these laws result in consequences. Whether the consequence for disobeying God is eternal torment in Hell, the complete annihilation of the soul, or simply not being in God’s presence and experiencing him.[3]

“For our values to have universal appeal, they must be rooted in our common humanity, not in the faiths that divides us.” – Minette Marrin[4]

This shallow, self-serving consequentialism is ultimately predicated on blind obedience and thus an abandonment of our rational faculties. It destroys the very foundation of ethics and the means in which we develop them. It provides a cheap and hollow understanding of morality that doesn’t provide a means to get to the core of the issues and cuts us off from delving deeper. And this deficiency of religious morality is revealed when we attempt to apply it to real world moral problems we face today.
Religion, being an authoritarian ideology (and the most widespread and thus influential), lends itself to the forming of beliefs that have metastasized in some of the most evil acts imaginable. It’s primary fault is the psychological consequences of the beliefs it fosters. It gives justification for attitudes and worldviews that often result in actions that are detrimental and corrosive to any civilized, modern society and on a global scale.[5] Given this, the believer can no longer make any moral judgments beyond “what did god command” or “is this in accordance with God’s nature”. Within a religious framework, we are left without the ability to weigh “goodness” against other “goodness” or “evil” against other “evil” as these terms no longer have a demonstrable foundation in humanity. Good and evil become an outside standard that you cannot participate in, only obey.

“We are discussing no small matter, but how we ought to live.” – Socrates[6]

When I use terms like “moral” and “ethics”, I am talking about something of substance, something demonstrable. Religion can’t make even this most basic of claims about morality. Whereas religion destroys the very foundation of morality and thus results in a deficient and shallow ethical system, a secular moral philosophy grounded in humanistic principles and informed by science provides us with a robust moral system with the ability to grow and develop as our understanding grows and develops. It provides the solid foundation necessary to make proper moral judgments and not a system of simply following “laws”. This makes it the only viable moral framework and eliminates the faith-based religious framework from contention. I take it as my duty to challenge such ideology as it undermines morality, and morality is arguably the most important topic we as humans need to understand if we are to continue to progress towards a better future for all of humanity, here now and for generations to come.

-Rich

Notes:
[1] Virtues and Vices, Philippa Foot
[2] I will use our instead of I as our refers to an objective standard that would apply to every human universally, whereas I would simply be referring to the subjective acceptance (or not) of this standard.
[3] There have been many variations on punishment as apologists have been attempting to reconcile the concept of an eternal Hell with a supposedly omni-benevolent God.
[4] Minette Marrin, Twitter, 02 Jul 15
[5] The argument isn’t about whether religion once was wholly beneficial to developing a society (which I reject) or not. Only that we see the problems that arise in today’s societies.
[6] Republic, Socrates

What Haunts Me About the Religious Response to the Humboldt Bus Disaster

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April 6, 2018, a bus carrying the Humboldt Broncos junior hockey team is hit by a semi truck and countless lives are forever changed. Chaos was the word I saw used most to describe the accident scene. The mangled remains of the vehicles, the overturned load of peat moss and the bodies of the twenty-nine passengers scattered across the highway. From first responders to hospital staff and people across the world that were learning details as they became available… it was pure chaos. Fourteen passengers died instantly, two others in the following days. Injuries ranged from a few bruises to paralysis and only time will tell the level of mental anguish that is experienced by those involved.

The worldwide response to this tragedy has been overwhelming. A gofundme page that originally listed a goal of ten thousand dollars has, as of this post, reached nearly twelve million. Part of that likely comes from the fact that the hockey community is a tight knit group. Everyone from peewee leagues to the NHL were quick to spread the word that these families were going to need our help. I have asked myself what it is about the Humboldt Broncos tragedy that hit so close to home for me. Perhaps it is that I have always been a fan of the sport or maybe it is that I have two stepsons in the same age range of those boys who were on the bus… whatever the reason I have found myself compelled to spread the word on the Humboldt tragedy. I have my stick on the porch for solidarity and have kept up with each story as the details unfold. I have read dozens and dozens of articles in the past ten days and though most were optimistic and educational, there were a few people using the tragedy as a chance to push their own agenda and I find that to be very disheartening. One that was particularly difficult to stomach was written by Tim Challies. It was the epitome of everything I find wrong with this predatory behavior and so I had to respond.

Anytime there is a tragic event resulting in mass casualties you can rest assured that the mass proselytization will follow. People love to use loss of life as an opportunity to try to scare the vulnerable survivors into joining their cult. And I assure you, it is a completely different level as instead of telling people how amazing life is when you have Jesus they try to instill fear by insisting that death without God will be torturous. I cannot comprehend what type of person can look a grieving mother in the eye and imply that their child is now in hell because they just didn’t choose God in time. Many times I am able to simply brush off the absurdities of the radicals but when it comes to the death of a child the predatory behavior haunts me.

It haunts me that there are people out there just waiting to use a tragic event as a chance to scare people into religion. Young people doing the responsible thing and exploring all the different perspectives that the world has to offer are being pressured to chose blindly. Rather than being encouraged to educate themselves they are being threatened with a life, and after-life, of pain and punishment.

It is my hope that people both young and old will use a tragedy like that in Humboldt as a wake-up call that life is fragile. That they will take it as a reminder to spend time with your loved ones and appreciate the beauty of each day. It is my hope that people will see that every moment we have on this beautiful earth is an opportunity to gain knowledge and teach others. I hope that they will see that we are only allowed this one life and we need to make the most of our time. The things we do, the relationships we make and the impact we have on the planet is what creates the memory that will let us live on. I hope they are able to find pleasure in making the most of what time they do have, as we never know which day will be our last.

hugs, blood and gene mutations…

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A month has passed since we lost our baby. I am still heartbroken and still bleeding. I received test results that show I have an MTHFR gene mutation which likely contributed to the miscarriage, I also received a hospital bill for 1020.93… that’s really about it as far as updates.

I sort of feel like I am drowning. Every day there is something else piling on top of me. Another piece of bad news… something else to try to handle so that I can keep things stable. I barely have any free time right now because I have been trying to work overtime to pay off all of the bills associated with the pregnancy and miscarriage. The only time I get with Arabella during the week is a few hours in the early afternoon when we are getting ready for the 30min ride to my dad’s house so he can watch her while I go to work… then I get home at 11:45pm and that is when I get to tuck her into bed. This is my favorite time of the day. Arabella gives me the biggest smile when I come in the door. She makes the most of those few minutes before bed time, showing me toys and chattering away. Then I hear “love you mama” as I squeeze her tight. Honestly, the hugs she gives me at night before she goes to sleep are truly the reason I wake up the next day.

When I read the test results on the MTHFR gene mutation I cried. It is so terrible to feel like you failed your baby. My rational mind knows that it was nothing I did and that there was no way for me to know about it and that even knowing it is still possible that I could have had a normal pregnancy and all of the other things people are saying. However in my heart, when I sit alone at night in the dark, it feels like it was my fault. I was able to keep Arabella safe for those amazing nine months that she spent in my tummy… why did I fail Lily and Riley? I have been feeling physical pain thinking about it. I get this sharp burning pain up my neck as all of my muscles tense up as I realize I will never again birth a child.

I know that writing all of this will cause me to be flooded with information on how MTHFR is very common and that I can absolutely have a successful pregnancy. I know that physically it is possible, but at this point I cannot take the risk. Emotionally I am strained. The loss of Lily broke my heart, losing Riley broke my spirit… I cannot even imagine what would be left of me with another loss. A lot of people have told me that now is not the time to make the decision to be finished… but the decision has been made. One of my dearest friends told me that “he” (pointing to the sky) will decide when/if I am done… I told her that if “he” can get past the vasectomy we are planning. plus regular birth control, she might make a believer out of me. Until then I am going to stick with science. Clearly the odds are not in my favor to have a healthy pregnancy. There are ways to treat all of the things that are wrong and I believe that moving forward and enjoying all that I do have is going to be the first step in conquering this anxiety and depression that are plaguing me day and night. The bleeding has to stop eventually… right?

Excuse me for (pre) existing…

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On November 2, 1983 I was born…with my first pre-existing condition. You see just like many babies I was born with a heart murmur. My particular condition is an atrial septal defect (ASD) aka a hole in my heart. I have been fortunate that my ASD has never caused major complications, I have also been fortunate to have continuous health care throughout my life to make sure that it wasn’t an issue. Unfortunately this is not my only medical problem. It was April 9, 1993 that I had my first grand-mal seizure and received the diagnosis of Epilepsy. This diagnosis had a much greater impact on my life than the ASD. I have always said that I am only alive today because my father, a (retired) steel worker and union man, was able to provide amazing health insurance that gave me access to the best doctors and any treatment they saw fit. Over the course of the past 23 years I have been on 7 different medications, had extensive testing including a week long stay in the hospital where I was monitored by video and EEG to see what my surgical options would be. I also ended up having surgery in 2007 where the doctors gave me a VNS (vagus nerve stimulator) implant. Without health insurance that VNS  implant would cost roughly 20,000. This means that it would not have been an option for me and realistically would not be an option for most people. My prescription costs alone would be unafforable if not for my health insurance. The medications typically used for seizure control are not the type that show up on a free or low cost list. The two medications I take daily for my seizures would come to roughly 500 per month, which in our family is a significant amount. I have one daughter and 2 stepsons, all 3 have healthcare which we are happy to provide. A parents worst fear is that we could, like many people, fall on hard times and lose those benefits. God forbid life would hit you hard and you’d need a hand. The current president thinks you don’t deserve one, but I believe that health care is a right not a privilege… we all deserve to live.

I know what Trumpcare supporters will say. Since I already have insurance none of this applies to me. Well yeah maybe not right now, but what about in the future? More importantly what about all of the people who have situations similar to mine or much much worse that are struggling to stay alive. You see unlike my conservative counterparts I care about other people. I do not see my fellow Americans as disposable. I believe that whether they were born with their condition or developed it later they deserve full coverage. No one should have to worry about dying because they cannot afford to live. Some people in this country are so wealthy that they couldn’t even imagine what it feels like to choose between medication and the electric bill. They will never know the feeling of having to reject the recommended treatment because the cost is just to high. President Obama developed the ACA because he wanted America to thrive, President Trump is pushing for a plan that he probably hasnt even read, just because he wants his name out there…damn the consequence.

I don’t know when our country reached this point but we are not the strong nation we once were. America is only as strong as the citizens who inhabit the country and if our elected officials don’t care if the citizens live or die, why should others see us as anything but weak.  I hope that once again Trumpcare is rejected and that we don’t let this sneak past. This issue is far too important to be rushed, the Republican party knows this because they said it when the ACA was being developed. I will not sit by quietly while our government uses our lives as their tool for negotiating tax cuts. There is a compromise somewhere, a way to provide healthcare at a reasonable cost while still protecting the people who need it the most… but it is going to take hard work, dedication and compassion… let us “pray” that they won’t actually just let us die.

“that Atheist nut-job” aka my friend Marie

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So this past week FFRF, the constitution and my friend Marie all had a great victory. A huge monument of the ten commandments will be removed from the grounds of a public school right here in Pittsburgh. It seems like this should be an open and shut case. The monument violates the separation of church and state and therefore it has to go. It can literally be anywhere that isn’t owned by the government, the possibilities are endless! Still though, the locals are treating it more like the death of a dear friend and with that much anger has been released. Though I found it disturbing I cannot say that I was surprised to read all of the nasty comments people were making on social media. When given the chance to hide behind a screen people tend to let their inner demons out. On the other hand I was surprised when I was sitting at my desk at work and a co-worker said “Hey did you hear about that Atheist nut-job that got the monument destroyed? What is wrong with people!”. Without even thinking I responded “Yes I did, that’s my friend Marie”. When I said I was friends with the her you could hear a pin drop… so I quickly went into damage control. I immediately corrected her to say that she did not have it destroyed, but rather moved to an acceptable location. After that was cleared up I started talking who Marie is as a person and that she is more than just the Atheist who moved the monument. I went into the fact that she was not the one in the wrong here. The people who erected the monument in the first place were the ones that caused the problem. Someone should have been aware back then that this was a clear violation, they were wrong and now they have been corrected, end of story.

Then came a question that I have heard many times in cases like this “but why did she care, how was it hurting her?”. I explained that though it may seem like an innocent monument allowing violations such as this to slip through the cracks opens the door for bigger issues down the line. If suddenly Marie’s daughter was asked to say a prayer alongside the pledge of allegiance we’d be livid and rightly so… then the school district would try to say “but look the ten commandments are right there, clearly you knew God was part of our agenda”. One small oversight can make way for calamity and that is why it is our duty as citizens to make sure our rights are protected. People seem to have a disconnect between what the monument stands for and the monument itself. Clearly the issue isn’t that it is a large gaudy piece of marble, the issue is that it is promoting Christianity and we cannot allow children to be marginalized in this way.

Another person asked me “What kind of example are we teaching our children? It’s okay to take someone’s stuff away just because you don’t like it!”. No, absolutely not. As stated above this piece of radical rock has the right to be displayed anywhere that isn’t government property and no one can say a damn thing. The example we are setting for the kids is that when someone is doing something that is wrong, even if it makes them happy, it is best to enforce the law.  In a Fox news report Todd Starnes said “the school district had an opportunity to teach kids how to defend their constitutional rights to stand up and do the right thing… instead they threw in the towel”. This my friends is exactly why this case had to happen. If this is what he believes than I  am not sure why Starnes isn’t praising Marie because she sent the exact message he felt was so important. I agree that it  is an amazing lesson to teach the children, thankfully Marie was there to do it as the school district certainly wasn’t up for the challenge. Our children need to know that they are safe going to school. That they will be taught facts that will aid them in their lives and that they are not at risk of indoctrination just by stepping onto the property. Whether they realize it or not all of the Christians that are angry about moving the monument should be praising Marie… separation of church and state may not mean much when you are part of the (perceived) majority… but if you would just take a moment and  put yourself in her shoes you would see how important it really is.

 

your privilege would allow it

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So much has happened in the past few days that it is hard to figure out what to write about. The horrific murders of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile and then the tragedy in Dallas that left five innocent police officers dead. I could reiterate the details of each case, give you bullshit excuse for why someone deserved what they got or an anger filled rant about who was justified. I am not going to do that. I will be frank and state that I believe that the officers who killed Alton Sterling and Philando Castile were 100% wrong. I don’t care about their pasts, those officers had their own demons and none of them deserved to die. I also believe that the shooter(s) in Dallas were wrong. The officers who were killed were not the ones that did the killing, it was random, it was fueled by rage and families will never be the same.

What I want to talk about right now is the frustration I am feeling by the views expressed by my demographic. Caucasian women, mothers, 30-40 living in the suburbs. There was little talk among the moms in my local groups when it came to the murders of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile. An article or two was posted, a comment here and there… but in general last week was business as usual. Lularoe leggings, toddler problems and what’s for dinner tonight. I am not saying that I was trying to force it on them. I know from experience that these types of discussions are best saved for other groups, a more diverse crowd. Then the recording from  Diamond Reynolds’s (girl friend of Philando Castile) live feed sprouted up and this conversation did catch my eye.

Right off the bat, the person posting was commenting on how calm  Diamond Reynolds seemed. Many of the women in the conversations were intelligent enough to know that if nothing else she was probably in shock. Others speculated she was trying to keep it together since her child was in the car. Then someone dropped this bomb.

“What bugs my so much about this…. instead of trying to do something for her boyfriend in the seat next to her she feels it’s more important to video it for facebook! If someone next to me gets shot the last thing I’m doing is recording the aftermath of it…if she was that concerned with a routine traffic stop why wasn’t she recording from the point the cop showed up? I’m not trying to justify anything anyone did
It just doesn’t sit right with me that her main concern was that she recorded the aftermath of her boyfriend being shot as opposed to trying to save his life…”

This comment made me physically ill. It is impossible to know what you would do in this type of situation and this is compounded when you remember that this a white woman putting herself in the position of a black woman. I am not sure if it needs to be spelled out this clear but just in case, here it is. WHITE PEOPLE WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE A POC.  I am sure that she believes that the last thing she would do is watch someone she loves die next to her, white privilege allows for it. As a white woman I am sure that the thought of being held at gun point during a traffic stop has never crossed her mind and even after all of this it still won’t. A broken tail light should never, ever result in death. She poses the question “why wasn’t she recording from the point the cop showed up?” that answer is simple, because she shouldn’t have to. No one should have to, though perhaps moving forward they should.

I can only imagine the fear that was going through Diamond Reynolds mind. A man so unstable shot four bullets into a man who died while still in his seat belt, all while a four year old child was in the car. Even as she is recording he has a gun on her…. what do people expect her to have done at this point? Scream, yell, jump on top of him in an attempt to save him? Any and all of these actions guarantee that poor child would have been witness to the death of both parents instead of just one. There is no doubt in my mind that the woman who made the post believes she would have done all of the things I mentioned above and that the worst that would have happened is that she’d be arrested, and then later interviewed by networks praising her bravery. Her privileged allows for that confidence… and also the confidence to know that the odds of her husband dying while buckled into the family car are slim to none…and if it did happen, a heart attack would likely be the killer. I truly admire the strength that Diamond Reynolds showed. I am thankful their child still has a parent and I hope that justice is served.

On a separate post I saw another member of my demographic say that she went to bed last night thankful that her husband is white and that she is not afraid of losing him to senseless violence then she reflected on how horrible it is to think such a thing. I really don’t know if it is horrible or just plain honest. When a white couple gets pulled over for speeding, running a red light or a busted tail light odds are they will get a ticket, maybe just a warning… but they are not being profiled. We may live in fear of the state of our country, we may be afraid that we will get caught up in a random act of violence, but we do not have to go out each day and worry that it will be our last simply due to the color of our skin.

 

 

Satanic Sabotage

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While surfing the net (yeah, I just wrote that lol) I came across a discussion concerning a child sustaining a scratched cornea just days before her baptism. This sounds terrible, I feel bad any time a child is hurt, but to be in pain and then put on display at a big party and  passed around like a tray of hors d’oeuvres sounds truly awful. The mother wanted prayers and blah blah blah… but then sweetened the pot by blaming the injury on Satan… as he was clearly trying to sabotage the baptism. I received all of this through a post about a post so I do not know what type of response this got but I do know that to me, this is just plain ridiculous.

Social media is a place to show off. Everyone has to have the worst injury, the cutest baby, the cleanest house, the grossest rash  and they cannot wait to be validated.  Then when something bad happens they just absolutely need to plead for prayers. These posts can become incredibly lame and it isn’t just Atheists that think so, I have seen plenty of believers say that asking friends to “please pray my son scores a goal in soccer” is obnoxious and not what they wish to have their God wasting time on. When you are in a truly tough situation, like a death in the family, I see no harm in posting for prayers- I myself have asked for “positive thoughts” to be sent my way… sometimes it just feels good to know people care. There are definitely times where we need the most support we can get and if this comes in the form of “prayers” so be it.   However, I do not support vaguebook prayer requests… this type is the worst of the worst for prayer seeking. “I cannot tell you what is happening, but it is bad, so so bad, please ask God to save me” . Wait, what?? If it “bad, so so bad” shouldn’t you be with the police or at a hospital or just skipping the pedestrian prayers and running straight to a priest??? With the vaguebookers we don’t know if the tragedy is a kidnapped child, domestic abuse or a ripped pair of LuLaRoe leggings in a pattern they discontinued. So if you really want help and not just attention from people begging for the details, just tell us what is up… personally I won’t pray for you, but I will definitely help any way that I can if you’d just spit it out already.

So prayer requests are common, but satanic sabotage is a new one for me. To think that a parent sees their kid get a boo-boo and instead of assuming this is one of life’s unfortunate events (bad things happen all the time, sorry if you are just learning this) their first instinct is that Satan is coming after them… ridiculous, almost comical, if it wasn’t  for the kids involved. I just imagine them teaching their kids these lessons. “Don’t worry Bobby, it isn’t your fault that you punched little Tommy, Satan was trying to turn you away from God”.  Listen, I don’t claim to know everything but one thing I am pretty sure of is that SATAN IS NOT ATTACKING YOUR CHILD. Blaming Satan (and I guess God for not protecting you from Satan) is dangerous. So many unavoidable crappy things are going to happen throughout your child’s life that they need to be prepared to place blame where it is appropriate, accept blame when they are at fault and distinguish when an unfortunate event is just a random act. If your daughter gets her period in the middle of the school dance while she’s wearing a white dress, this is biology, not Satan. If your son isn’t tall enough to slam dunk, this is genetics, it doesn’t mean that Satan is trying to hold him back.  If five minutes before your beautiful Catholic wedding is to start the groom splits his pants… it is not divine intervention attempting to stop the exchange of vows… it is an unfortunate moment that will become a funny story to pass on to grand-kids and a cautionary tale for all those to be married after you.

I love taking my personal life to social media, my network of mommy friends is as large as it is because of the power of the internet. That being said it is one thing to get advice on the best pampers, to vent about the day-to-day frustrations of being a parent, and to even give a little brag when your cutie pie does something extra special… it is another to assume that “likes” and “shares” will ward of Satan and bring God back to your side.  I assure you, if I am wrong and Satan is sabotaging your child’s life… the answer is not going to be found in a Facebook thread.