We had our first sonogram last week. Witnessing the heartbeat and seeing the little fetus brought to life exactly how amazing of a gift science gave to us. That’s right, I said science. Ever since I started this process people have had plenty to say about the lack of credit I give to God. In support groups, acquaintances will tell me that I have been blessed by God with a miracle baby… this doesn’t bother me… I know that they are just excited and expressing it the best way they know how. On the flip side- it was brought to my attention that though some of the believers in my life are excited for the baby, and happy for us, they don’t want to read negativity here. This does bother me.
When I discuss this pregnancy and give credit to scientific advancements and my body’s reaction to them- I am doing so in a positive way. During this exchange it was explained to them that I am sorry they don’t enjoy reading but if the content makes them uncomfortable, it is probably best they don’t read it. Apparently this is not the right answer and instead, since they don’t like it, I shouldn’t write it. This is not going to happen- I am excited to document my pregnancy and express my gratitude to the scientific community for making it possible.
I have loved observing each change in my body during the past few weeks of pregnancy. I knew I would change physically and heard that mannerisms and moods will change as well- but experiencing is believing! It blows my mind that a simple burst of hormones could make someone who ordered extra bacon on everything suddenly not desire any meat at all. And no, I have not been craving loaves and fishies… so I think we can take God out of the equation.
So far I was able to go from tests revealing that I was having anovulatory menstrual cycles… to taking a medication watching follicles grow and an egg releasing…to seeing a fetus growing inside of me… this is not a miracle, it is my body and science working hand-in-hand to make the impossible, possible… and this just the beginning. I still have to see a specialist to find out how my Epilepsy medications will effect me and the baby in later stages of pregnancy. That happens in a month or so and I am pretty sure that I will not need an exorcism. I will be receiving genetic testing to make sure the baby is developing properly and to see if we have risk factors that will need special observation and care. I put my trust in the doctors and plan to do everything that is medically necessary to keep my baby safe.
Unlike believers, when I work for something and accomplish a goal I give credit where credit is due. I don’t believe in the typical copout that we are powerless against God and he makes all the decisions and is responsible for all accomplishments and failures. I am proud to say that it was me, Rich and a slew of doctors who made it possible for this fetus to grow. Up to this point it has been an amazing ride and I cannot wait to see what lies ahead.
Success! That is right, not only was science able to make my body ovulate when it wasn’t doing it on it’s own… but now the couple of atheists are pregnant! Only 5 weeks and 1 day… so it is very early, but I can’t bear to keep it to myself.
Since sharing the news with friends and family, mixed reactions have occurred. Of course everyone has been happy and supportive… but not everyone gives the credit to science. For instance one of Rich’s friends said that God keeps giving us all of these signs… we are just refusing to see them. Apparently in his eyes it is God who brought Rich and I together in the first place and now God has also given us the chance to have this baby. Rich said “but she was taking the medication, it made her ovulate, we timed our sex and that is how we became pregnant.” His friend begged to differ stating that the medication didn’t have to work, God made it so.
Ok, so say this is true. God chose Rich and I to become parents… why the heck would he do that? Within the privacy of my PCOS support group walls I see women struggle with what they might have done to deserve being barren. They pray EVERY DAY to have a child. They take the same measures as Rich and I… They have the same condition I do and yet, God decided we should have the baby. It just seems unfair. If anything, it shows you’d be better off not believing because then God would have reason to “show himself” through these “miracles”… since of course he can’t just show up in your living room to prove his existence. No he has to test you… he tests the strength of those who believe by putting them through emotional hell and (apparently) proves himself by providing joy through “miracles”to those who don’t… how could anyone have respect for a God like that.
Just as before, I am in awe watching science at work. My blood tests are showing beta levels jumping high, just as they should. I can feel my body changing due to the shift in hormones and yet somehow I am supposed to credit someone other than my doctors and the many, many scientists who researched my condition and provided me with the tools to make this happen… I simply refuse. Heck, even the fact that I didn’t have to look for a faint line on the pregnancy test and then wonder if my eyes were deceiving me is crazy, it simply stated “pregnant”… that’s technology that I doubt God came up with. Certainly if he did exist he’d be fixing all of the disasters that occur each day and not making it easier for me to discover my pregnancy. Yeah, I am going to say this is also man made, not to mention AMAZING!
Now to be clear, I am not typically the type to get combative if someone “blesses me” or congratulates me on “my miracle”, just as when people prayed that we would conceive, I take it is as a kind gesture and say thank you. It is only when someone insists that God played a role that I feel the need to speak up. I am not on a witch hunt to knit-pick every religious reference… no, I simply want to document it here and since religion and spirituality are already creeping in at this early stage, I imagine it will only get more intense as the pregnancy progresses. This is going to be an amazing experience for Me and Rich and I look forward to sharing it with all of those who read our blog.